I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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