that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
