I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
