so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
