Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
one two three fourrrrnication!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
