Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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