Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
