I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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