Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
