theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
