If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
