So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
