Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
