So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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