Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
