You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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