it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
