Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my poor anus
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
