if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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