That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize