I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize