We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
