Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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