drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
