Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
