i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
