wanna go halves on a baby?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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