Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
