1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
