i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
