I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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