Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
