There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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