Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
