dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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