Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
