why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize