i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
