dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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