So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
