So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
