No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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