i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
