Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
