Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How external is "for external use only"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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