The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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