I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
