bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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