Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
