Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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