twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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