You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
