shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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