Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
