I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
