my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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