i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize