Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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