You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
