i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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