In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he thought i was a dude.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
