Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
