Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize