so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
