So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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