Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
