Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
