guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
