dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
