I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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