i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize