dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
