We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
