Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize