Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
