i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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