I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
