update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
